Remember the days when we just rode our bikes to a friend’s house, knocked on the door, and came home when the streetlights turned on? Those days are gone. Modern playdates involve calendars, allergy lists, and a surprising amount of social negotiation. Whether you are the host or the guest, navigating the unwritten rules of playdates can be tricky.

Here is a guide to modern playdate etiquette to ensure you (and your child) get invited back.

The “Drop-Off” Question

This is the #1 confusion. Do I stay or do I go?

• Under Age 5: Generally, parents stay. Unless you know the other family extremely well, toddlers need supervision and help with the potty/conflicts.
• Age 5-6: The transition zone. Ask explicitly: “Would you prefer I hang out, or should I drop him off?”
• Age 7+: Usually drop-off, but always confirm first.

Rules for the Guest Parent

1. The “Exit Strategy”: Be on time for pickup. If you say 5:00 PM, be there at 5:00 PM. The host parent is likely counting down the minutes to start dinner/bath time.
2. Full Disclosure: Tell the host about Allergies (peanuts, dairy), Fears (dogs), and Behaviors.
   • “Just so you know, Leo is working on sharing. If he gets grabby, please tell him to stop.” This gives the host permission to parent your child.
3. The Sick Policy: If your child has a runny nose, a cough, or had a fever yesterday, cancel. Do not be the parent who brings “Patient Zero” to the party. Text the host: “So sorry, he woke up with a sniffle. I don’t want to expose your family. Let’s reschedule.” They will respect you for it.

Rules for the Host Parent

1. The Safety Check: If you are hosting a drop-off playdate, you must be transparent about safety.
   • Do you have pets? (Some kids are terrified of dogs).
   • Do you have a pool? Is it fenced?
   • Do you have firearms in the house? Are they locked in a safe? (This is a standard question now; don’t be offended if asked).
2. Screen Time: Clarify expectations. “We are going to play Legos, but we might watch a movie for the last 30 minutes.”
3. Snacks: Always ask the other parent before serving food. Even if they didn’t mention allergies, they might have rules about sugar/dyes.

The “Clean Up” Rule

This is the golden rule of playdates. Before the guest leaves, everyone cleans up together.

• Guest Parent: When you arrive for pickup, don’t just grab your kid. Walk into the playroom and say: “Wow, you guys had fun! Okay, let’s help clean up these blocks before we go.”
• Why: It teaches your child respect for other people’s homes and ensures the host isn’t left with a disaster zone.

Playdates are essential for social development. They teach kids how to be a host (sharing their space) and how to be a guest (following different rules). With a little communication, they can be fun for the parents too.