We need to talk about the “B” word. Not the one you yell when you step on a Lego. The other one: Burnout.

For years, society told us that parenting is just “tiring.” You are supposed to be tired. It’s part of the job description. But Parental Burnout is different from typical fatigue. Fatigue is when you sleep and feel better. Burnout is when you sleep for 10 hours and still wake up feeling emotionally drained, detached, and unable to cope.

If you find yourself fantasizing about a minor car accident just so you can spend a few days alone in a hospital bed (a surprisingly common confession among burnt-out parents), you are not “crazy.” You are depleted.

The Signs of Parental Burnout

Burnout isn’t just “needing a break.” It is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. Look for these three red flags:

1. Exhaustion: You feel crushed by the weight of your role. Just thinking about the morning routine makes you want to cry.
2. Emotional Distancing: You go into “robot mode.” You feed the kids and bathe them, but you don’t really engage. You stop enjoying their company.
3. Loss of Effectiveness: You feel like a failure. “I’m a bad mom/dad. I can’t do this right.”

The “Oxygen Mask” Metaphor

You have heard it a thousand times: “Put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.” It is a cliché because it is true. You cannot regulate a child’s emotions if you cannot regulate your own. You cannot be a patient, loving guide if your internal battery is at 0%. Self-care is not a reward for being a good parent. It is part of the job requirement.

Real Self-Care (Not Just Bubble Baths)

When we say “self-care,” marketing tells us we need a spa day or a vacation. That is nice, but it is not sustainable. Real self-care is unglamorous. It is meeting your basic biological and psychological needs.

1. Protect Your Sleep This is non-negotiable. If you are sleep-deprived, your emotional regulation is the first thing to go. If that means the house stays messy so you can go to bed at 9 PM, let the house be messy.

2. The “Touch-Out” Reset Parents of young kids often suffer from being “touched out.” You have had a baby clinging to you all day. When your partner tries to hug you, you recoil. Reclaim your body. Take a hot shower alone. Go for a walk where no one touches you. Reset your sensory boundaries.

3. Lower Your Standards Perfectionism is the fast track to burnout.

• Your kid ate cereal for dinner? Fine. They are fed.
• You didn’t do the sensory activity you saw on Pinterest? Fine. They played with a box. “Good Enough” parenting is actually better for kids because it models self-compassion.

4. Ask for Help (Specifically) People want to help, but “Let me know if you need anything” is too vague. Be specific.

• “Can you watch the kids for 2 hours on Saturday so I can stare at a wall in silence?”
• “Can you pick up dinner tonight?” Build your village, even if you have to pay for it (babysitters, cleaning help) or trade for it (swap childcare with a friend).

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. You cannot run a marathon without water breaks. Taking care of yourself is the best way to ensure you are still standing at the finish line.